Good times ahead.

I LOVE to shop. For anything. I love to spend my own sweet time selecting the most beautiful black hair pin among many other black pins! You know what I mean now, don’t you?!? I’d probably spend all of my ‘if I get a million dollars’ moment on shopping. Clothes, for family, food, books, home, decor, places, spa, holiday and everything else that interests me!

I weigh 66-67 kgs as of today! Wohoo..its been an enriching and a painful experience. I am willing to do more. Now that I have done this I can aim for much more I believe. It seems so easy when you look back on work well done. Good for me! I have this vision of me in a few months time. *Ooo..if this isn’t hot, what else is!*

You know, as far as I can remember, I have always been called beautiful, except  during times when I felt fat and let down by the world :p. How I know now who those people are who ‘love’ me anyway. All for good no?

A small exercise now, shall we? Allow me to think from point of view of all those who call me beautiful, from the outside :p . *Ahem, clears throat*- I stand 5.6 tall, have a body frame that would definitely look smoking hot if toned well, (Oh yes! Believe me you!), killer shoulders, dark eyes, high cheek bones, oval shaped face, thick lustrous black hair, ‘almost’ bee-stung lips, can dance well, yoga too, good taste in colours and  style.. to name a few. Come on, I have atleast this much liberty don’t I? I am feeding positive thoughts into my body dearie!

Now, why do I let myself go when things don’t go my way? I don’t know. That’s a process of learning is it not? I’m learning everyday. I don’t want to define who I am in a sentence. I am much better today that what I was yesterday or vice versa! That’s the best part.

Today, I was in the mood for some shopping (after a very long time). I wanted to buy myself a watch. I reached the place the minute it opened, went in and took in the ’shopping aroma’ :p. I looked through the rack and found nothing interesting nor of my taste. Fast Track is good, though not all the time. I don’t mind waiting. But the most amazing thing I realized while trying on one of the watches was that it dangled from my wrist, which has never happened before. My chubby wrist could be seen bulging out of the strap no matter how loose I tied the watch before! I smiled today, for me!

I window shopped inside the store for sometime and suddenly remembered that I had to buy night tees since the old ones sagged! To my immense happiness, I bought 3 tees from the ladies dept. I was so hurt and humiliated last time when I shopped for the same. I was glad today but saddened that the manufacturers still don’t get what fat women go through each time they don’t get sizes for simple outfits like night ware.

The very next minute my eyes were drawn to this amazingly fine pair of brown corduroy 3/4ths. I went ahead with bated breath, as I had not purchased myself a pair of jeans/trousers since the past 5 years because my size was never available. I wore 36′ last time I checked. A couple of months back maybe. Naturally, I picked up the largest waist-ed one, size 32, and was mildly shocked to see that there wasn’t another pair beyond 32. When I tried this on, I was so baffled that I could pull it down without having to unbutton and unzip, that I had tears in my eyes!!! One of my memorable moments for sure. Without believing this was happening to me, I asked for 28 and it FIT ME!!!!!!!!! I could have skipped. With just a bit of toning, it would look fab on me.

I came out a happy customer. But more importantly, a happy woman. Wow!

 

Happy 4th!

Yes. 4 months!!!!!! Unbelievable…

Exams exams hence the delay in posts!

I am still the same as last month..

Will update later.

All the best to me

muah

 

Off its hinges

..is what is happening to all my clothes, esp my night ware. My pathetic weight and inches last year forced me to shop in the gent’s section for t-shirts (to be worn for sleep). If you weight more than 55kgs and look fatter than a stick you have no chance of buying ‘decent well fit’ clothes in the ladies department. Such is life.. sigh..

Anyway, I was mightily embarrassed to buy tees from there for myself. Why shouldn’t I be, tell me? I went with my dad and bought 3 tees ‘for my dad’. I refused to try it on, as my father with all his sweetness asked me to check whether it fit me well. *Phooey* in the men’s-dressing room?!? Am I out of my mind? All yeh fair people, this isn’t fair!As I came home, feeling shattered from the experience, to try them on, they fit me unsurprisingly. I looked like a giant gorilla. It hated them on me. Since I had no other option but this I was forced to stick on to it.The tees flow like river kaveri right until below my hips, the sleeves are like my second arm, the shoulder line resembles a hanger and I look bigger than ever!

Now that I have lost a considerable amount of weight, the same tees have loosened up! Yay! They seem to flow and stretch like never before. I’m waiting to stuff them into the back of my wardrobe and buy new girly ones.

Phew! Relief I tell you..

 

BMI

My BMI is 23! Wohoo.. Just a couple of months back, a year precisely, it was 28. My, ain’t I happy!

I’m pleased with myself. I feel free. I love it like it is now! 21 and I am done!

Muah me

 

You go girl!

is how I complimented myself today. After a break of 6 days from Walking and yoga but not my diet, I went back today with hesitancy. I was not sure I would be able to cover the same distance in the same time as before. But what ya know?

I was surprised. I did it! I did get a stitch in the stomach, but that stayed for a couple of minutes and voila I was back home feeling pleased with myself.

You know, I am miles away from where I was before. Just a year back I was down in the dumps, overweight, emotional, and low self esteem. Here I am, feeling good about myself, learning to cope with failure and working towards climbing the all important mountain and means of survival!

I weigh 66.3kgs now. WOW! I can’t tell you how shocked and overwhelmed I am feeling right now. My waist is almost touching 29inches. From 34. Ok!! Stop. Is this really me?!?

If it is, then I intend to stay in love with her.

 

:(

I skipped 2 days worth of brisk walking and yoga, but not my diet though, thankfully. I missed it consciously. I don’t know what happened. I’m feeling guilty, sad. Now I know how my life will be if at all I miss a day’s exercises in the future. Though I lost half a kg even after skipping my routine, it make me feel no better. I’m unable to bend as I could 2 days ago. Arghhhh! I hate my metabolism. Now, back to routine. I feel waaayyy better. *sigh*

Oh! I weigh 67.80 now with a total of 4 inch waist loss! Good eh? These results are the main cause for motivating me to push myself further. Keep going, I keep telling myself, whenever I am exausted from walking (for 45min). I have 10 more kgs to go. I might shut this blog after that..no probably start another one to rant about how I feel after I losing 25kgs?

A nice idea though…

More later,

Guilty moi

 

Sleeping beauty..finally!

* Gone are the days when it was impossible to sleep at nights.

* Gone are the days when I would stare at the clock endlessly waiting for sleep to come by.

* Gone are the days when I would sleep only by 4 a.m, tossing and turning in the bed, reading ‘already read a couple of times’ books only to ‘wake up’ all groggy and short tempered.

* Gone are the days when insomnia would trouble me until I wept.

* Gone are the days when a forced afternoon nap did nothing to help me.

* Gone are the days when I simply could not sleep.

Now, I feel relaxed.  The minute my head touches the pillow I am literally soring. Despite staying at home most of the time, with minimum physical strian I still sleep well. My exercise routine is helping me. Waking up at 6 a.m to work my butt off walking, doing yoga, dieting is helping me sleep beautifully.

I couldn’t ask for more. Sleep is the best solution.

Cheers!

 

I have recently discovered…

* I am able to sit cross-legged on a chair without any effort. Unlike before, when it was simply not possible to place my right leg over my left for more than 5 min. The inner part of my thighs would not allow me to stay still. Since they were filled with large amount of fat it was quite impossible to sit cross-legged. You might have noticed how wide the legs of fat people are kept whenever they sit! Haven’t you?

* I am capable of multi tasking and doing them right!

* most of my clothes have become lose-fit! I am not sure whether I am happy about it or saddened that I need to alter them!

* weight gain is one of the main reasons for inferiority complex, constant comparision with others and emotional turmoil.

* there is more to life than just cribbing about it.

* I want to learn a lot of things, ranging from sweing to horse back riding. I might need some time to convince myself to sky dive though *prays*

* I am more than just my body image.

* acceptance is the right way to live. It is alright if your peer is succeding in whatever she sets her eyes on. I am just getting it the hard way or is it the right way?!?

* I am capable of hard work.

* I have misjudged myself. I never knew I was built the way I am today! Thankfully I know it now.

* respecting yourself is the ultimate gift Way better than diamonds or designer labels anyday!

* there is more to me than what the naked eye can see!

* I am heading in the right direction. What can be more exhilerating than that!

* I am nothing without the support of my loved ones

* the adjectives I use have changed to the past-tense!!!

 

Partey-2!

I turn 2 months old today! Go me..Its impossible to believe I’ve stayed on for 2 months and intend to, until I lose the weight I want to lose! I can’t feel any happier, though I might burst of happiness after the 3rd month probably! I have this strategy in mind that every milestone I pass i.e after every month, I want to increase my exercise routine and go stricter on my diet. June started off on a positive note with minimum-less-strain-exercises and no diet. July was a major achievement.

Routine:

I would wake up by 6.15 am. Drink my usual half mug of tea and leave home for walk by 6.30 am. In June I used to walk for 2kms in 20 min and that would leave me quite out of breath. Last month I increased the distance to 4kms in 40 min ( though I don’t take 40min to be back home. I’d be done with 7min to spare). This happened for a month without a day’s miss (except during PMS of course!). I’d be back quite out of breath again but feeling rejuvinated and start off on my yoga. I did twice the counts I had done during June. The Suryanamaskara has increased to 6 times (phew!). I’d feel quite fresh after my routine. Another point to be mentioned here is I have started walking even during evening time by around 6pm for 2kms covered in 10min, come home and practice yoga ending with 3 Suryanamskara. (Good eh?). I’m feeling good.

Diet:

I insist all the time that breakfast has to be king size for me. I hate skipping breakfast for anything in the world, not even for making love . Anyway, I happily munch on the food my super chef mum prepares. Though I don’t overdo it, breakfast is my heaviest meal of the day. By 12.30pm I make myself a veg sandwich using brown bread. I eat 3 pairs of it. I’m quite full after that delicious lunch! By 4 or 5 pm I have tea and end the day by 7.30-8 pm with fruit (probably orange, apple, watermelon, pomogranate). In between I drink enough water to use the bathroom a million times :d. It was difficult to begin with, but I am determine to lose weight and ready to go that extra mile.

This is making me look good. I’m confident of continuing without worrying about not being able to get up the next day for the morning routine. The only disadvantage here is the place I live in is heaven. The weather supremely beautiful and cold in the mornings. It takes me 5min to push myself up. Hah! The perks I tell you!

I have lost 3 inches of my waist, 2 inches of my neck, 4inches of my thigh and an inch of my arm! Could I feel any better? *pat pat*

More, next month.

P.s- Oh I have joined the gym (July 25). I weigh 69.83 now! Hopefully I reduce 2kgs atleast by next month.

 

I am the best..I know it now!

I am my own best friend and my own nightmare!

This, I discovered very recently. I am crazy to have considered many other people better than me. I have wasted my precious time contemplating where I was ever wrong. I have often been surrounded by people who judge others constantly without giving a single thought to their own achievements (if any :p) and abilities. Nope, I ain’t blaming them. I’m merely realising now what I should have realised back then. I can’t change them nor do I want to. I can change to however I want to be, can’t I? The only contrast between me and them is the word yes.

*She may have been born slim, but I know the repucussions of being fat.

She may have been an A grader, but I know how failure feels.

She may have been born with a silver spoon, but I know how it hurts when you don’t get what you want.

She may have all the clothes in the world, but I know how it depresses when you can’t buy the clothing you love because of extra fat or no size availability ( I totally blame the designers’ mentality. Hey! Aren’t fat people humans?)

She may have an elder sibling to guide or many good friends to help, but I know how amazing it feels to set the right example through your faults for your younger sibling. I know how it saddens when you don’t have a true 4 am friend.

She’s an achiever. I am enlightened.

Thanks to her I know my determination.

Thanks to her I know my wants.

Thanks to her I know my limits.

Thanks to her I know my weakness.

This new approach towards life is helping me. I am capable of many things. I say yes to challenges now! I don’t care if you don’t like it. I’m game for new things. I am the best. I had always assumed. I know it now!

(*She is hypothetical)